That’s a lovely phrase.

What is “thick?” What is “thin?”

For me, thick is what it feels like when I’m stuck. In the mud. In the muck of situations in my life.

You know what that feels like. Nothing is quite going your way. Some things aren’t even pretending to go your way. And there’s so many of them. You can’t quite get a handle on the whole mess. There’s no traction – no place to grab onto to start turning things around.

That’s the thick.

For me, thin is what it feels like when nothing is happening. Nothing is working. Energy is being expended. Goals are being set. Doing is going on. But the world is gliding by without being affected by all of this. Like a giant “so what?”

That’s the thin.

What you try to do with thick or thin is just get through them. Go with them. Allow them to resolve themselves.

Better yet, we can look inside and try to figure out our part in creating this mess. After all, the mess is an exact reflection of who we’re being. Who are we being in order to attract this thick and thin? It’s easy to blame ourselves then.

That’s where your honey can help. Joyce helps me know that I’m alright. In showering me with unconditional love – love despite the muck – she lets me know that I am worthy.

When she reminds me that I’m worthy, that helps me remind myself. And there’s nothing quite like feeling self-worth to help you shake off the muck and move gently through thick and thin.

Have you thought about the day after you say “I do”? You know, when all the excitement and focus on the wedding is over, you’ve returned from your glorious honeymoon, and now it’s back to the ‘real’ world.

We get so wrapped up in the wedding that we forget that that is just the beginning. I, for one, had given little thought to our life after the wedding. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I was going to feel any different after saying some words and exchanging rings. All I was sure of was that I wanted to be with Rog for the rest of my life. I would take what came and we’d go through it together – somehow.

Like our wedding planning, time has been a factor in the ever-unfolding of our relationship. And, like our wedding planning, we hit some bumps along the way in our first few months as husband and wife.

Initially, in the first few months of “the day after,” our egos clashed a little when we treated the one (our relationship) as two (separate self-centered individuals). I realized I had to learn to trust that Rog really loved me as he said he did, which was a love of a magnitude and breadth such as I’d never experienced. And, I had to learn that what was best for us as a couple, the third entity that was born out of Rog and out of me, and how we faced each other and the world was what mattered. Gratefully, I’m often a quick study.

We have developed a style of communication that works for both of us. We always talk matters over as soon after as we realize that something might be off kilter. We always come back to our love and joy. And, I like keep our marriage promises nearby to remind me of the commitment I made to this dear man.

We are really here to help support the other to be all that he/she can be. I don’t look to belittle my husband but to honor and respect and cherish him. I don’t look to get from him what I lack. We are two individuals who have come together and in the overflow have created this third entity, this wonderful union of two souls in a holy relationship of marriage.

So what’s “the day after” look like to you?

Here it is, a solid week since we posted a blog. And, now it’s November 1st! Where did the time go? How the time doth fly!

Halloween is past, Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and Christmas will be here in the wink of an eye! Oh my – that means 2007 is just a double wink away.

Rog and I never seem to have enough time to do all that we want or think we’re supposed to do, and it flies by so quickly. And, we’re not even planning a wedding!

I’m grateful to say that there is loads of fun in all that I do because I do so much of it with my beloved life partner, who is also my business partner. I hope your wedding planning and other adventures with your honey are full of fun and joy too. Still, it can feel like quite a load.

Rog and I were talking yesterday morning about all that we have on our business plate and expressing that if we only did this more efficiently, or tried that strategy, or put more focus on that, everything would come together and be peachy fine.

The light bulb went off and I realized that that wasn’t the answer. We are some of the most organized, hard-working, efficient people you could ever meet. It’s not about doing more or being more of something. The bottom line is that what we are trying to accomplish requires far more than the two of us. It most definitely is not about we’re not good enough. We certainly are.

However, we cannot do it alone. Neither can you. You have a bazillion details to attend to, and wouldn’t it be nice to accomplish them in love and joy and with as little stress as possible? Ensure that by talking regularly with one another and getting a reality check about your expectations and your accomplishments. Then, ask for help. And, more help. Paid help, volunteer help, and help from Spirit.

The time may fly, but it will do so with less stress and far more joy.

Yesterday was my honey’s birthday. He’s not one to make a big deal over the occasion. Still, he’s open to celebration at any time, so why not for his birthday?

In the evening we gathered for dinner with his daughter and her boyfriend. And as I noted, the three of us would not be sitting around the table if Rog had not been born. For this I am so very grateful. On our first birthday together (this is now our third time around) I thanked his parents for bringing him into the world. Yeah, I’m pretty corny and sentimental…

Rog’s birthday is just a particularly extra good reason to celebrate the love and joy we have. In the same way, your wedding is a particularly extra good reason to celebrate the love and joy you have… and have others bear witness to. That’s one reason why we say “It’s not just another party.”

I hope you will never lose sight of that love and joy as you go about the wedding planning process, when you walk down the aisle, when it’s your paper anniversary year, when you’re sitting on the porch in your rocking chair.

Yep, every day is a wonderful day to celebrate life, each other’s life, and the joy and love we hold for one another. Happy Birthday, Rog!

Here in the Phoenix area, October and November are two of the prime months for holding weddings, outdoor weddings especially. The temps are generally in the low 80’s during the day, and by sundown, they reach the delightful mark – with scenery to match.

Since we had only recently decided to actively serve as officiants at weddings, we had not made our availability known to couples. So, even though in all likelihood you have everything set for your upcoming nuptials, we’d just like to let you know that we have some availability during these busy months to be your celebrants in case the need arises. Rog and I love to marry couples together – “The Two Reverends” you might call us – as it is yet another time in which we get the opportunity to think about our own love and the joyful wedding we created in which to celebrate and share it.

Feel free to contact Rev. Joyce at Joyce@BizWorksStudio.com or Rev. Rog at Rog@BizWorksStudio.com. We can help things get back on track so you can go about choosing – and having – joy for your wedding.

What are Sundays for? Church, perhaps. Family, certainly. Day of rest, might be nice.

I just like hangin’ out – doing whatever seems to come up next for doing.

I was up pretty early this morning, enjoying the quiet in my study, when the phone rang. That seemed kinda strange. Then I noticed it was my business phone. And then I saw who was calling.

It was my honey, calling from our bedroom. She wanted me to come hang out with her, but didn’t want to get up to get me. That set the tone for the day!

When I got up for the second time, we got comfortable together in the living room, sipping our morning coffee, reading spiritual books. Then she made pancakes – yum!

After breakfast had a few minutes to settle, we walked over to the neighborhood park and shot some hoops. My honey is pretty deadly when she uses the backboard.

Back at home, we did a very thorough cleaning of the bedroom together – oiling all the furniture and washing even the dust ruffle.

We met for a financial conversation after lunch, which led to some serious planning about our business and our future.

I made dinner. Joyce is washing dishes while I write today’s blog. We still have to make the bed and shower. And then we’ll be back where we began, in each other’s arms.

That’s my kind of Sunday!

Almost every morning, I don’t make coffee. Oh, I still love my morning coffee. I just wait until Joyce asks me if I want her to make it.

I could make my own – I’m quite capable in this regard. But there are a couple bonuses if I choose not to make it.

First, my honey gets to do something nice for me. It’s a gift. By allowing her to make the coffee, I create an opportunity for her to be a giver. She likes that.

And then I get to be the receiver. That’s nice too. It doesn’t matter how many times she makes coffee, I always smile when I see her walking into my study with that cup in her hand. What a wonderful gift!

Of course I have to thank her then. Expressing gratitude brings up positive emotions for both giver and receiver. And I am truly grateful.

Then we hug. Sometimes I think the whole exercise is just an excuse to sneak in one more loving embrace. So be it.

And as I sip that coffee, I remember the love surrounding its making and delivery. I’m not usually much for rituals. This one is a keeper!

Every Friday morning I usually head to Doc’s for a chiropractic adjustment. A little bit of crackin’ of the neck here, a bit of a massage there, and let’s not forget some applied kinesiology, AKA muscle testing, to see how my adrenals are doing. I really feel refreshed after leaving Doc’s office.

So what are you doing to get refreshed after a bout of wedding planning and running around? Are you ready for an adjustment? Perhaps you need a physical adjustment for your aching feet (boy, were my toes out of whack this morning!). Or maybe what you really need is an adjustment of attitude.

It can be so easy to snap at someone when we are tired and overwhelmed with so many things to do and decisions to make – and far too easy to aim at our beloved. So on a regular basis it is worthwhile to take stock, to make sure that you are taking care of yourself in all ways: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Not only does this serve you well, but it helps ensure that those around you get to be around the best you that you are.

Is it time for an adjustment?

This morning, Joyce and I were having an innocent little conversation when she stopped me to clarify something I had just said. Issue!

I’m a communicator. I work hard at being understood. This was a simple sentence and she wasn’t getting it. What’s up with that?

Instead of giving her twenty million rewordings of the little sentence, which is what I would usually do, I asked her what she didn’t understand. Instead of thinking she couldn’t have been paying attention, I stopped to see what the heck had gone wrong.

Instead of feeling attacked, she immediately joined in trying to figure out what she had missed.

We couldn’t figure it out. So I changed a few words and she got it right away.

Even then, we couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong.

We’re just about to arrive at moral-o-the-story time. Or in this case, two.

First, under ideal conditions, communication is nearly impossible. That’s right – nearly impossible. Two intelligent people, sitting across the table from each other, paying complete attention to what they’re saying/hearing, who love each other and talk all the time, still can’t reach understanding on a simple sentence.

When conditions are less than perfect, well, I just wonder how any communication happens at all.

More important, since communication is so difficult, how wonderful to have a partner who IS totally engaged in the effort – one who is willing to stop and examine the process – and to learn everything she can to improve the likelihood that one day, we WILL understand each other!

That’s right, love is weak. It doesn’t get you what you want.

It doesn’t get you the right wedding dress. That takes money.

It doesn’t get you money. You either have to work for money or extort it from your family.

It doesn’t get you the date you wanted at your chosen venue. Somebody beat you to it.

It doesn’t get Uncle Ned to stop drinking at the reception. Three strong men couldn’t prevent that.

It doesn’t get your honey to show up on time. It’s just not going to happen.

So, what good is love if it doesn’t get you what you want?

Let’s ask that question from another angle: what do you really want?

Do you know the feeling of unconditional love?

What does it mean to you when, for at least one person in the world, you can do no wrong? When you know that regardless of what happens, that one will always be there with open arms to accept and comfort you?

What is it worth to be lost in that embrace?

Would you trade the stuff for that feeling of unconditional love?